Are We Born Angry? What Philosophy, Psychology, and Modern Life Say About Human Nature
Introduction
After a book-club conversation about The Silent Patient by Alex Michaelides, I found myself circling back to a foundational question: Where does our behavior come from?
Is it the biology we’re born with, the environment we’re raised in, or something deeper?
In therapy, this matters because how we conceptualize human nature influences how we approach healing, connection, and conflict. When we bring that lens into the therapy room, it shapes our work with parents, couples, and individuals alike. In our current culture, with the unique strains of parenting in America, relationship stress, and rising anger levels, it’s especially timely to revisit three major philosophies of human nature, consider how each views anger and moral behavior, and tie in how those views show up in parenting and relationship dynamics today.
The Three Philosophies of Human Nature
1. Humans Are Inherently Good
Historical roots: Thinkers like Jean‑Jacques Rousseau (1712-1778) argued that humans, in their natural state, are good—kind, compassionate, connected—and that society or corrupting influences distort that nature.
Psychological development: The humanistic psychology movement (mid-20th century) made this belief central. Carl R. Rogers (1902-1987) emphasised that people have an “actualizing tendency” toward growth and wellness.
Interpretation of Evil/Anger: In this frame, destructive or angry behavior is not proof of innate evil, but a sign that something in the environment or in one’s developmental context disrupted the person’s connection to their inherent goodness. Anger becomes a signal: “Something’s hurt,” rather than “I am bad.”
Parenting & relationships today: If you lean into the “people are inherently good” view, you might approach anger in your family or marriage as a message rather than a punishment. For example, when a parent yells, maybe the underlying story is exhaustion, unmet need, or feeling unseen—rather than a flaw in character. With this lens, therapy focuses on creating conditions of empathy, safety, and growth: letting the good emerge.
2. Humans Are Blank Slates (Tabula Rasa)
Historical roots: John Locke (1632-1704) proposed that the human mind begins as a blank slate; our traits are written by experience and learning.
Psychological development: Behaviorism (early‐ to mid-20th century), think John B. Watson, B. F. Skinner; emphasised that behaviors are shaped entirely through conditioning (reinforcements, punishments). Later, social learning theory (e.g., Albert Bandura) added modeling and cognitive components.
Interpretation of Evil/Anger: From this perspective, anger or harmful behavior isn’t rooted in nature, it’s a learned pattern. A child grows up in a home where emotions are suppressed, or anger is the way to get attention, or modeling shows aggression works and so those become the script. Evil (or destructive behavior) is what is learned, not what is inherited.
Parenting & relationships today: If you believe people are blank slates, you’re likely to focus on the “environment”: communication practices, modeling healthy emotion regulation, boundaries, and learned coping skills. In therapy, you’ll emphasize replacing old patterns with new ones: noticing triggers, creating new responses, practicing healthier relational habits.
3. Humans Are Inherently Flawed or Conflicted
Historical roots: Philosophers like Thomas Hobbes (1588-1679) described human nature as self-interested and prone to conflict (“life … nasty, brutish, and short”). In psychology, Sigmund Freud (1856-1939) argued we are born with powerful biological impulses (id) that must be controlled by the ego and superego.
Interpretation of Evil/Anger: Here anger and destructive behavior are seen as natural potentials within us, innate drives that must be managed. Evil isn’t just learned or environment-driven, it’s part of what we’re born with, so maturity means learning to regulate, integrate, and channel those impulses.
Parenting & relationships today: For parents or couples, this view acknowledges that conflict, anger, and relational breakdowns aren’t exceptional; they’re part of being human. Therapy focuses on insight: exploring early attachment wounds, unconscious drives, relational patterns, self-regulation capacity. The aim is not to eliminate “bad parts” but to bring them into conscious awareness and choose how to respond rather than react.
4. Modern Integration: Nature + Nurture Synthesis
Timeline & research: From mid-20th century onward, especially with advances in developmental psychology, neuroscience, epigenetics, and trauma research, we’ve learned that neither nature nor nurture alone fully explains human behavior. Genes set a propensity; environment shapes expression.
Interpretation of Evil/Anger: Anger and destructive behavior are multidetermined. For example: a temperament prone to impulsivity + family environment lacking healthy emotional modeling + cultural stressors = higher risk of relational struggle.
Parenting & relationships today: Recognizing this integrated model allows for compassion (we’re not just flawed or victims) and choice (we’re not entirely determined either). Therapy that takes this path is holistic; looking at biology (sleep, diet, neurochemistry), psychology (beliefs, trauma), environment (relationships, culture), and meaning (values, identity).
Why This Matters for Anger, Parenting & Relationships in Today’s America
The Current Landscape
A 2015 U.S. study found that 7.8% of the adult population reported inappropriate, intense, or poorly‐controlled anger. PMC
In one recent survey, 63% of American moms reported a “substantial decline” in mental health from 2016-2023. People.com
One study of 14,000 U.S. children found that 40% lack strong emotional bonds with their parents—relationships which are protective for later emotional health. Chronicle of Mentoring
Another finds when parents model healthy anger management, children are more likely to do so too. Parents
In short: today’s parents and families are navigating unprecedently complex stressors: economic pressures, work climates, technology, social media, pandemic aftershocks; all of which compound emotional strain and relational vulnerability.
Where the Philosophies Meet Real Life
If you believe people are inherently good, you might interpret a meltdown at 4 a.m. or a fight between spouses as a signal: “Something’s off. Let’s reconnect.”
If you lean toward the blank‐slate model, you might emphasise: “What patterns of learned behavior are showing up here? What new habits can we build?”
If you think people are inherently flawed/conflicted, you might say: “This is part of being human. How do we support self‐regulation, self-insight, and growth?”
In the integrated model: “Yes, there’s biology and history here, AND we have agency and meaning. Let’s explore all of it.”
Bridging to Parenting & Relationships
Parents often carry the beliefs of their upbringing (nature or nurture story) into how they perceive their children’s behavior and their spouse’s responses. For example:
A parent who believes children are inherently good may feel intense guilt when their own anger erupts = they see it as a “failure.”
A parent who believes behavior is entirely learned may focus on fixing the “environment” but neglect their own internal experience or emotional history.
A spouse who believes people are inherently flawed might default to defending themselves or resigning to conflict as inevitable.
Therapy offers a space to unpack your belief system, how it shows up in your life (especially around anger), and how to align intention with action.
Quotes to Reflect On
“If the essential core of the person is denied or suppressed, he gets sick sometimes in obvious ways, sometimes in subtle ways, sometimes immediately, sometimes later.” — Abraham Maslow psychologyonlinecourses.com+1
“The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.” — Carl Rogers Goodreads+1
“The good life is a process, not a state of being. It is a direction, not a destination.” — Carl Rogers BrainyQuote+1
“When a person realizes he has been deeply heard … it is as though he were saying, ‘Thank God, somebody heard me. Someone knows what it’s like to be me.’” — Carl Rogers Barefoot Coaching
These quotes remind us that our beliefs about human nature aren’t just academic—they shape how we treat ourselves and others.
How to Bring This Into Your Life & Relationships
1. Reflect on your foundational belief.
Ask yourself: “When I see someone act out, what do I believe about human nature?” Do you lean toward “born good,” “learned,” or “flawed”? Awareness alone shifts how you respond.
2. Shift your narrative around anger.
Instead of labeling anger as “bad,” ask: What is this emotion trying to tell me?
For “inherently good” believers: “What part of me is wounded or disconnected?”
For “blank slate” believers: “What learned pattern is showing up? What new skill can I try?”
For “inherently flawed” believers: “What impulse is unmet or undeveloped? How do I regulate and integrate it?”
3. Use your therapist as a mirror to these beliefs.
At Phases Virginia, we recognize that therapists bring their own beliefs about human nature…and that matters. When selecting a therapist:
If you lean toward growth and potential → you might resonate with a humanistic approach.
If you value structure and behavior change → a CBT/DBT approach may feel right.
If you’re curious about deeper drives, your relational past and unconscious forces → a psychodynamic/relational approach may fit.
If you believe life is complex mixture → an integrative or trauma-informed therapist may be your match.
OR you might want someone with a varying perspective. This will at least inform your ability and (hopefully) confidence to learn more about your therapist and their approaches.
4. Model new responses with your children or partner.
When you feel the surge of anger: pause, breathe, become curious. Say something like:
“I’m feeling really agitated right now; my voice rising and my chest tightening. I need a minute to step back. I love you and I’ll come back when I’m calmer.”
You’re showing children and your partner a new script: not a perfect response, but a conscious one.
5. Create connection, not just correction.
Conflict in families and relationships often isn’t about the behavior alone; it’s about disconnection. When someone acts out, the relational “seat” may be empty: no one’s listening, no one’s feeling seen, no one feels safe. Re-building connection doesn’t ignore boundaries; it strengthens them with empathy.
The Bottom Line
Our beliefs about human nature (whether implicit or explicit) influence how we interpret anger, conflict, growth, and healing.
If we believe people are born good, we tend toward empathy and reconnection.
If we believe people are blank slates, we lean into learning, habits, and environment.
If we believe people are flawed, we focus on insight, regulation, and integration.
When we hold an integrated view, we embrace biology, experience, meaning, and change: all of it together.
In a world where parents and couples are stretched thin, where children are growing up in turbulence, and where so many of us carry the weight of “why did I do that again?”, having a clear lens matters.
At Phases Virginia, we believe in “phases” because life is phases. Your struggle isn’t static, your identity isn’t fixed, and your relationships can evolve.
If you’re facing anger in your relationship, feel like you keep making the same mistakes with your kids, or simply want to understand why you do what you do. Therapy offers more than just coping. It offers connection, meaning, alignment.
Because whether you believe in inherent goodness, learned behavior, or inner conflict, you’re human. And human means change is possible.
Phases Virginia offers online therapy for adults, parents, and couples across Virginia (including Northern VA, Richmond, Virginia Beach, Charlottesville). Visit phasesvirginia.com or follow us on Instagram @phases_onlinetherapy.